One of those days

Today was One Of Those Days.

You know the one - the day where the minutes seem to drag by like hours, where you're constantly feeling on edge because YOU KNOW your spirited child is in a bad mood, and that means: 'watch out world, I feel like s#$t and I'm going to make sure you know it! oh and did I mention I'm going to try my darndest to make sure you feel as bad, if not worse?!'

When V is in one of 'those moods' the good moments are few and far between and the majority of the day seems to be devoted to her having meltdowns and other dramatic behaviour. Sometimes I can predict what will trigger it, other times it seems to happen randomly, as though she does it just because she can. You end up feeling as though your child is holding you hostage, and you will do anything to avert the behaviour because it reaches a point where you just can't stand it anymore, where you don't even want to be in the same house as your own child.

At this point, you start thinking how nice a desert island would be (either to leave the screaming child on or yourself).

I know sensory sensitivities are common with spirited children. V is very sensitive to loud noises and also her hands being dirty. She literally cannot tolerate anything being on her hands - sticky hands are one of the quickest ways to a meltdown.

When V has a meltdown it typically ends up in her wailing. She will stand still and wail like a baby, with tears streaming down her face. This generally lasts up to ten minutes, unless I am able to distract her quicker. Things that other kids would be blase about can set her off. It could be bumping her head slightly, tripping up, dropping something, not knowing where one of her toys is, getting her hands dirty..... you get the idea. It can be caused by nothing, and everything.

Anyway, getting back to the subject of todays blog post. Today was an awful day, and one where I felt completely defeated.

Nothing we did was right today, and everything seemed to set V off.  Did she want to eat breakfast? nope. Get dressed? of course not! not that I keep count, but I can safely say that today was a record day for meltdowns and if she wasn't wailing she was whining. And as parents we all know how annoying that sound is. The sound of fingernails down a blackboard would be a symphony compared to the grating noise of my child continually whining.

All I can say is..... thank god for bedtime (and for wine!)

Introduction

This morning I watched in exasperation as my daughter sat on the stairs wailing, in what was to be her fourth meltdown that morning. She had only been up for just over two hours. Thus begins a typical morning in our house.

The cause of the meltdown? she had dropped a toy she was carrying.

Our daughter, V, is 2 1/2 years old. Since birth she was always an 'active' child. Others have described her as 'intense', 'persistant', 'dramatic'. Being around V is like walking on eggshells. At any given moment she is prone to extreme emotional outbursts. She uses her voice like a weapon. She is an extremely 'busy' child and is very rarely pleased with anything.

We've come to realise that V is what is known as a 'spirited' child. These children are described as being children who operate on 'full throttle all the time'. Who are more 'emotionally intense' more 'easily upset when things don't go their way'. Raising a spirited child has brought it's fair share of challenges and has required me to adjust my parameters of expectation in regards to parenting. It has been almost a continual grieving process in many ways - for the child I expected to have and the reality that we deal with every day.

The wailing episode over the dropped toy is just one example I could give you on how V's 'spirited' nature manifests itself. You may wonder at a mother who 'watches in exasperation' but when it happens so often throughout the day you almost become desensitised to it. Sadly, you begin thinking 'here we go again' and with it brings up all the feelings of resentment and annoyance. Why can't my child be more like others I have seen, who wouldn't bat an eyelid at something like that? how much more of this can I take? and the one that presents itself most often in my mind 'what is wrong with her?'

Parenting a child like this is a matter of always feeling as though you have to anticipate - and prevent - the behaviour from occurring. It requires you to learn the triggers, to recognise the precedents that will set it off. You feel as though you are not in control, that you are constantly in a heightened state of alertness just waiting for something to go wrong and for the screaming to begin. It can bring with it feelings of anxiety and an inability to relax.

However, these feelings aside there is a flip side to spirited children that I absolutely love. I admire V's energy, her persistance, her fascination with the world and her rich imagination. I secretly love the way she is a leader, not a follower. That she marches to the beat of her own drum and won't take 'no' for an answer. I love the way that when she enters a room, the room suddenly seems to come more alive, as though she is filling it with life.

I'm hoping that this blog will prove a useful outlet for the feelings that arise from parenting a spirited child, and will possibly facilitate discussion from those who might find themselves in a similar situation.  The good and the bad, all the ups and downs.

V, in all her angelic glory!